Sage, Wise women out there... I need help. I might have four children, but I only have one Lael and this baby is so different from any other that has come into the Kill household. She smiles all the time and is generally happy, but the girl is so serious! She also gets worked up... every day! She seems sincerely anxious. After having had three "mellow" babies, I need to know if this is simply what its been like for everyone else all along.
Case in point #1: Big broher has "claw" shaped salad tongs and pretends to be a tiger while Lael is in the swing...a full foot away, mind you. The result: one solid half-hour of screaming and lip quivering.
Case in point #2: Mom is doing the super-human one handed dishwashing jive with baby in arms, when plates collide and make a loud noise. The result: frightened jerk followed by above mentioned screaming and lip-quivering (this time only about 5 minutes).
Case in point #3: Crying baby needs to sleep, loving father wants to cuddle baby...Daddy time is cut short by the all too familiar screaming and lip-quiver as soon as mom makes the hand-off. The result: Dad passes back to mom after several minutes of soothing (must be a nursing thing,right?)...baby stops crying. Mom makes the pass back to dad and immediately witnesses the screaming, lip-quivering anguish of baby. This goes on for several passes until loving father gives up and just cuddles next to hot wife, which really is pretty great for everyone anyway...but, what is going on?
So, blog moms, what do you think? Is it just my turn, finally, to have a baby who is a bit more jumpy and dare I say, "normal" ??? Or, is there something more going on here? Is my baby in need of something I might not know how to give her because she doesn't fit the Kill baby M.O.? If this is just Lael's personality, thats cool with us, we like her quite a bit, lip-quivering and all... I just don't want to miss something here and this is getting a little weird. Plus, I am starting to worry about how it affects the rest of the kids... routine kind of goes out the window when there is non-stop crying. The result lately has been this:
Dog pile co-sleeping, although it does make such a cute picture, just can't go on forever!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Lip-quivering In Action
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5 comments:
Oh man Kristi! How cute are they?? Seriously.
But regarding your question.... hmm... Adia was a bit like this too. Very, very serious. Content most of the time and would smile but hardly ever laugh. And a little jumpy too. She would cry at new situations which was very un-like Steele. At first I took sort of a "deal with, you'll get over it" type approach. Like, in the nursery at church? Just let her cry, she'll get over it. I wasn't going to give into it. But she didn't stop! I'd hear her screaming from the sanctuary.
What I did in the end was to give her a little time. I realized she needed time in situations to get used to things, she needed time when she was startled before she could move on. So I would soothe her and tell her it was ok and then put her back down - as if to say, "ok. We're done with crying now." I can't remember how long she would cry but now she's fine. She still overreacts to things sometimes (ok, a lot of times) and now we're more prone to go back to the 'ol "get over it" method. But the cool thing about this little part of her personality is that she's very tuned in to us. The reason Steele didn't care? He was oblivious! ha ha!
It sounds like you've done a good job in trying to see if it's reactionary to somethng - I don't think you need to worry. As you said, it sounds like it might just be her personality. It's so fun to see their little personalities coming out but also a challenge for us as their mamas to know how to parent their specific personality. And hey - the co-sleeping is building strong sisterly relationships right? I love it. :-)
(sorry this is so long... I contemplated just sending an e-mail. oh well.)
Lael sounds a bit like Hannah. I remember how difficult it was to sort of "dance" around her. Not one of us ever wanted to make her cry- which was easy to do. She was always so sensitive to new sights, sounds, and schedules. She was not what you would describe as "adaptable". She didn't really ever feel comfortable with anyone else (including her dad)until she was about a year old. It was tiring for me to be the only one who could soothe her (she nursed waaaay longer than the others). I once heard someone say that a baby's "wants" are a baby's "needs". This cannnot be said of a 2 year old who tells you that they "need" another piece of candy when you know full well that they don't. So I guess for me, when I heard Hannah crying (at Lael's age) I tried to respect that fact that she had a genuine need for my help. She was too young to know how to manipulate me. I wish to be more encouraging, but we still struggle to find a balance between being sensitive to her little personality, and giving in to her every whimper. I hope that we err more often on the side of honor and grace rather than harshness- but it can be challenging.
I am not sure what all that rambling up above was about...I am not sure that I said anything helpful at all! I guess I just wanted you to know that I get what you are talking about!
What a picture. I love it.
That sounds like a challenge with Lael. On the one hand, your family needs to keep doing their thing... on the other hand Lael is a part of that family and may have need for some changes right now.
While Ava, my 4th is not quite like this I have noticed that she needs more alone time than the others. We can be so stimulating as a family and so I am in the habit of giving her a break in her room alone in the mornings and it helps her attitude a lot.
One last idea is the swaddle. Sometimes "jumpy" babies do better when they are in a tight security swaddle. Which may be hard due to the weather... but in case it helps.
What a sweetie! It will be neat how God uses her sensitivities for His glory!
Wow. I wish I had some advice (not that I'm a wise mama by ANY stretch of the imagination, but I'd give advice if I had it!)
My only thought is to do a baby carrier with her. Keep her close and secure and maybe that will help with any overstimulation issues? Or getting startled, or... whatever it is....???
It's all I've got. :)
Take care, busy mama! You're doing a *great* job!
~Stacy
ps- love that picture!
oh. ALSO... I LOVE your new blog look!
Can you wear her? It sounds like she is really needing to feel secure right now. A soft structured back carrier like Ergo or Beco would give you free hands, too.
The swaddling might help as well. A 40-46" square of guaze makes a great summer swaddler for most any size baby. Just wrap like this: http://babyfashiongifts.blogs.com/baby_fashion/2007/04/babygami.html
Crunchy Peas passed on 'a baby's "wants" are a baby's "needs"' and I really do think God gives them their voice for a reason (and He's very willing to use children as a tool to grow their parents).
Hugs, mama, she'll be all grown up before you know it . . .
~Nymia
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